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Ah, ABC Family. What cable TV channel is such a large joke, to the point of NOT being funny? ABC Family. I'll give a brief origin story, okay?
In the beginning, Lexx was aired on Sci-Fi Channel . . . oh, sorry, that was the start of better topic.
In the beginning, Pat Robertson started CBN as a cable TV channel. He soon authorized airing of public domain sitcoms. From there, he started airing commercials. The channel was renamed into CBN Family. It still ran CBN content, like The 700 Club, and started making a profit. The main problem, though, is that Pat Robertson incorporated the channel as a non-profit companion to his other CBN operations. He sold CBN Family to his son, who renamed it The Family Channel, and was named just named Family, but with the same logo. Owners came and went, and somehow, Saban Entertainment (the Power Rangers company), who was partial owner of Fox Kids programming, and News Corp. itself, purchased Family from whomever owned it in 1997. Keeping the logo similar, it was renamed Fox Family Channel. The catch was, from Pat Robertson's original sale to his son decades before, that CBN programming must remain on the channel forever, and the word "family" must always be in the channel's name, forever as well. Fox rebranded the channel as Fox Family. First, with a Fox-type logo, and then with a different, TGIF-inspired logo. Fox also obtained rights to MLB and NASCAR events for the channel, and rights to many cartoons, movies, and sitcoms, including The New Addams Family. On the Cox Cable system in Las Vegas, it went from channel 37 to something lower, like in the 70s range, and lumped with Comedy Central, where Cox Cable Las Vegas used to put their under-performing channels at the time. (Currently, it's channel 59 now.) News Corp. couldn't turn a profit with the channel, and even gave a whack at two sister channels for Fox Family: Boyz and Girlz. Both channels bombed, and I have little memory of either, just some programming promos in my head that are blurry. In the end, News Corp. sold Saban and Fox Family to Disney, who was hoping to change the name and focus of the channel immediately. Thus, Fox Family was to become the XYZ, which would broadcast ABC's OTA programming in reverse. For an example, if Ugly Betty is on at 8 P.M., on the XYZ, that same day, but next week, Ugly Betty's same episode would be on at 8 A.M., and same goes for Good Morning, America, sporting events, etc. Disney cleared all the legal problems of re-broadcasting the shows and events, but it was the original Pat Robertson clauses that put a sudden halt to the channel's new genesis. Would the idea have worked? Who in the Hell really knows, but it would've been unique, if anything. So, it was in 2003 or 2004 that the channel became ABC Family, and phased-out all of the Fox Family programming, and pretty much chasing away any original audience members who've grown to like Fox Family's unique style. In late 2004, ABC Family started the current style and marketing that the channel is now pathetic for: "A New Kind of Family". Not really sure what it means. They've put CBN programming into the minimal amount of time contracted, and no longer have any sports programming.
So, for almost a decade, ABC Family has kept the same look, branding, and slogan. That's pretty bad. Also, the shows in question have little to do with family at all. Seems to be an excuse to make shows about skanks, really, and hyping old movies nobody wants to watch. Everything with ABC Family is "an event", yet cable operators have threatened to put the channel into the digital tiers, or drop it altogether, like with what has happened with G4. Yeah, the ratings are extremely low on ABC Family, to the point it's a joke. Can the channel recover? Hell yes. Ten ways how, so read on!
1. No more "A New Kind of Family" garbage. Get a new slogan, as that's almost a decade old!
2. Removal of CBN programming. See if Pat Robertson's antique claim will stand-up in court. For the record, I like the Constitutionalism of Pat Robertson, but I dislike his Fascist Christianity.
3. Rename the channel to XYZ, but not with the original idea. It's just a channel's name, and seriously, I doubt the antique Robertson clause will hold in court.
4. Cartoons. Jetix was the wrong package, but it could have a place to return on Sunday mornings, from 7 A.M. to 12 P.M., while XYZ's One Saturday Morning could return, and about XYZ's One, Too for weekday mornings (7 A.M. to 9 A.M.), and XYZ Kids for weekday afternoons (3 P.M. to 6 P.M.), and usher up a new flock of cartoons to be produced! In the meantime, Disney and others have plenty of cartoons to use 'til this gets produced.
5. TGIF. No, don't make new sitcoms, but show the TGIF sitcoms again, weeknights, as the same times. For instance, from 7 P.M. to 12 P.M., XYZ can show Full House, Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Dinosuars, Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, Sabrina, Step by Step, Perfect Strangers, Just the Ten of Us, and Weird Science (not TGIF, but it'll fit). Then fill the rest of time, sans weekends, with sitcoms, sitcoms, and sitcoms. Good ones, though.
6. Weekends should be about movies, there's no doubt about it! With some many movies (from old Disney Channel originals, to mini-series, etc.) I shouldn't see the same crap hyped over and over again. Get some new movies, really.
7. Stop hyping non-events! Seriously! It sounds so lame, because it is!
8. The look and feel of XYZ will be of 1994 ABC. How's that for theme?
9. No original content. Original content is for ABC to broadcast OTA. Simple, right? (Didn't ABC Family air Smallville at one time?)
10. No "back-to-back" blocks, no "marathon" non-events, nothing. Keep the channel flowing with a large variety of content, and no informercials.
These are my ten major solutions. Hey, why not, right?
